2025's Writing Project
Parsing through the words I've written over three decades.
“May you have the courage to tell your painful stories completely.”
-Lisa Fann (LIMHC) critiquing my biographical essay in 2007
I didn’t consider myself a writer for a long time. I think this stems from school. I remember struggling with writing back when I was in sixth grade. I could not write whatever the teacher was looking for in my work, and that experience stuck with me that I wasn’t a good writer. Much of my work over the past three decades required writing in some fashion. It seems silly to me now that I didn’t see myself as a writer.
Somewhere in my plethora of notebooks and papers are song lyrics I wrote that are inspired by Pearl Jam. It’s the first thing that comes to mind when I think about when I started writing. Eddie Vedder was more my speed of teacher than what I experienced at school. I jotted down thoughts, songs, and more my junior year in high school. Then I started listening to Henry Rollins’ spoken word albums and started documenting everything about life.
The Lord of the Rings has over 550,000 words within its pages. My journal from 1996 to 2002 has over 577,000 words within it. This is just the journal I wrote in Microsoft Word and not what I wrote freehand in various notebooks when the feeling hit or when I didn’t have access to a computer.
The filename of the 1996 to 2002 journal is The Missionary Life and details much of my time when I was on staff with Youth With A Mission (YWAM) in northwest Arkansas. Besides that file, I have other digital journals spanning from 2014 to present that have over 1,800 pages and over 1,000,000 words within them.
Those files don't include over 1,200 blog posts I’ve written and posted. (Some for Silicon Prairie News, USA Today, and a deceased Husker football blog.) They don’t include the stacks of notebooks I have accumulated over the past three decades full of meeting/sermon notes, commentary, research, and pop culture hot takes.
I’ve talked for a long time about writing a book, and in 2025 I want to be closer to that reality. I’ll need to organize a lot of paperwork, files, and transcribe audio tapes(!) before I can even start writing and editing, but that process will be good. The trip down memory lane will be eventful. Already, I have come across a quote I wrote down from my high school college counselor. When asking for his assistance with a college application he joked that he’d say, “Why do you want this kid?” Maybe in jest, but I didn’t have a friendly relationship with him. (In case anyone ever wonders what factors might have influenced me choosing not to go to college, there’s a tiny one.)
I don’t have a complete list of what topics I’d like cover from the past three decades, but some things do come to mind:
Nebraska Foster Care System - For nearly a year and a half I worked with clients on family reunification within the state foster care system. It struck me that my training and work did more for the community, and served people in a more tangible way (especially on the margins), than much of my ministry work the prior two decades. The job also provided me a front row seat to the train wreck of the State of Nebraska’s disastrous contract with Saint Francis Ministries to manage child welfare.
The Dark Side of Ministry - After I resigned from my first pastoral role at Christ Community Church (Omaha, NE) I was asked to present about the reality of ministry. What I developed was a series of talking points that became The Dark Side of Ministry. A scared straight talk for college students and young adults considering a life of ministry. I’ll expand on these points.
Glory & Gory - A term I coined when my friend and former boss, Steve Walters, and I were discussing the propensity of pastors to seek out opportunities and people that put them front and center but run from situations where they’d have to walk with people through difficult times and get their hands dirty.
Whose Kingdom? - A lot of pastors, churches, or ministries talk of building God’s kingdom, but are they really building up their own kingdom at the expense of the people they claim to be helping?
YWAM - I spent nearly a decade with YWAM, an international missions organization with bases all around the world. I was based out of Elm Springs, AR. During that time I worked in Belarus, Cameroon, China, El Salvador, Mexico, Nigeria, Romania, and various places across the United States. I led a Discipleship Training School, I traveled across the United States sharing about missions work over the course of eighteen months. I also experienced spiritual abuse, Christian nationalism, the prosperity gospel, and the facade of spiritual maturity that we see in evangelical churches today. After I left the mission field I didn’t talk about my experience for years. My good friend Eric Carpenter, who had a much better YWAM experience, cracked open that door and helped me to look back into it. The time away has helped me to process and understand more of what was going on.
Spiritual Abuse - A look back at three decades and being under some toxic pastors and church leaders. How those leaders establish unhealthy and unjust systems and structures that harm countless people. What I wish I would have known when I was younger, and what I had to unlearn as I got older. Unless it gets a separate section, I’ll also address the bad practice of churches/ministries using NDAs to silence people and control narratives.
Generational & Family Trauma within the Bible - Looking at some things in the Bible and how trauma may have influenced decisions. Instead of being glib toward some Old Testament characters, maybe we should be more empathetic.
Sabbath - There is the saying “the body keeps the score” as it relates to trauma. When I entered into a sabbath in late 2017 I had no idea what was coming.
When I attended The Story Workshop in 2007 it drastically altered my life’s trajectory for the better. It was there I started to enter into my story, enter into the darkness of my life, and let the light shine upon it. I did not think at the time that nearly two decades later I would still be drawing on my Story Workshop experience. How grateful I am to be.
When I’m not working on the book project, I will be writing on my two Substacks. I will include snippets from the project in future Substack posts.
We’ll see where this journey goes as I start out. (Don’t worry Lisa, my courage has grown within my writing, and life, since 2007’s Story Workshop.)
Thanks
Thank you for your continued support of my family and me during this time of transition, whether through friendship and/or through our current GoFundMe campaign. The campaign has now raised over 50%, and through funds we’ve received through other means we have seen over $6,000 come in toward a new vehicle. Every little bit helps, whether it is $5, $50, or $500, your financial gift helps us out.