The Promotion to Coach Murphy
The journey to becoming a licensed high school coach.
Thanks for reading. As you might know, my family has been going through a season of transition. Many of you have asked how you can help us during this time. We have set up a GoFundMe to raise money we can put toward a second vehicle. Whether it is $5, $50, or $500, it all helps us out. And now, the latest Substack post.
In this post about becoming Coach Murphy:
Why Do I Do What I Do?
Beth & Tim’s Examples
A New Dawn
Why Do I Do What I Do?
“For me, success is not about the wins and losses. It’s about helping these young fellas be the best versions of themselves on and off the field. And it ain’t always easy, but neither is growing up without someone believing in you.” -Ted Lasso
I’m not sure when the idea came that I could be a coach, but it started to germinate after working in child welfare. My time within the Nebraska foster care system revealed how that work directly served my neighbors and community more than much of the ministry work I did the previous two plus decades. It was a sobering realization.
Often, the ministry work I enjoyed the most, loving and serving my neighbors in tangible ways, was outside of the job description and church culture. I knew this to a degree at the time, but being further removed from ministry work highlighted a dichotomy that shouldn’t be there in Christian work spaces.
Over a decade ago when I was working in the church, I had an opportunity through Omaha Young Professionals to go into the Omaha Public Schools (OPS) and work with at-risk students. A church leader expressed concern about me serving in an OPS elementary school because it would take me out of the office a few hours every month. They saw that as an inefficiency. A local elementary school is welcoming me in to work with students, a majority of them at-risk, with their literacy and math skills, and the church is worried that…I’m not in the office and thus inefficient? I’m fulfilling all my responsibilities, and then some. Why not love and serve the people we are supposed to in a tangible way where they are? Isn’t that what we are called to do, or is that only virtue signaling when it’s said from the stage or a mission statement?
I chose to go against the leader’s suggestion and volunteered with the school for five years. Early on, I recruited a coworker to join me and we helped initiate a partnership between the church and the school. Personally, it was a rewarding experience. None of it would have happened if I would have stayed chained to my desk. The more involved I was with ministry, the more I had to counter this ministry inertia.
Since I was young, as a person and in my faith, there has been pressure to pursue a ministry or pastoral career. It was presented as a “higher calling” than working elsewhere. If I didn’t pursue this higher calling, I’d hear about it as lacking faith, not taking life and/or faith seriously, or letting down a family name. That is what was browbeaten into me within my contexts.
Thankfully, I’m free from that now, but I reflect on how I lived and worked while believing it. I look back on the previous three decades of a life spent in ministry and non-profit contexts. So much of it was spent propping up individuals and systems that were more concerned about money, power, and status than helping the people they were supposed to be serving.
I know I’m a good pastor. I’m good with people. I’m good in the community. I was the default pastor with on-call situations at both churches I worked. When I worked in child welfare I was labeled the “Nice Guy” and sent into situations where conflict was likely so I could deescalate tensions. I’ve been labeled a “Swiss Army Knife” because I can live and work within the diverse socio-economic communities we have here in the Omaha area. So much so that repeatedly I’ve had churches, non-profits, and leaders reach out to me to work for them. A majority of the time it boils down to them asking me to do the “people work” so they can focus on “preaching and/or leading” because “dealing with people gets in the way of their work”.
I look back and see how a number of my previous leaders were taking advantage of me for their own interests because they knew I cared about people. As one pastor in the know framed it, they sought to benefit from my sacrificial nature.
I am living in the second half of my life. It’s easy to think the best years of my life are behind me. I’m in my late forties, and there aren’t a lot of options to start over at my age when you have a Bible degree. This scene from Ant-Man is poignant.
I witnessed friends and peers struggle to find something new after exiting ministry life well into adulthood. I thought the opportunity to do something different with my life was gone.
Where does that leave me?
Beth & Tim’s Examples
In recent years, I’d deliver a spiel about being at peace with my pastoral work and future. Most of the time people would acknowledge what I said and remark upon my life of sacrifice and how good I am with people. Then, my friend Beth Katz entered the conversation.
A year ago, Beth was in the final push toward her PhD. She moved back from Scotland, with her family, where she’d been in the University of Edinburgh’s PhD program in Politics and International Relations. We were meeting at a local coffee shop, catching up on each other’s lives, when I talked about a potential new role within the church. Part of it included my repeated lines about being at peace with my life and embracing my role. She was dismayed. I can’t quote verbatim what she said, but here’s the gist of it.
You know, if that’s what you want then I fully support you. You are good at what you do, and the church needs more like you, but don’t think that something else isn’t possible if there is something else you’d like to pursue.
I heard a variation of this where people invoke Philippians 4:13 (out of context) that we “can do all things through Christ who strengthens us”. I follow up with how will schooling be paid for, and how can I be present with my family if I’m working and in school? Lots of shrugged shoulders and “don’t know” from people as they run from the questions. Beth didn’t back down.
I get all that, but I don’t want you to live the rest of your life accepting what’s been dealt to you and feel like you have to put others ahead of yourself. Again, if you are at peace with it and want to stay in pastoral work, then do so. You never know, though, what more could be out there for you.
The conversation kept replaying in my head.
Another person that kept coming to mind is Tim Roesch. Tim is also in his forties and spent a number of years working in ministry. A few years ago he had the idea to attend Creighton Law School. I loved our conversations because he would acknowledge how crazy it is for someone of his age, married with three kids, to attend law school. He was quick to acknowledge God’s provision, and the support of his wife and kids, but he walked that law school path for three years and graduated.
While he was in law school I’d often text Tim asking how I could pray for him. There was a part of me that wanted to check in with him because I wanted it to work out for him. I wanted to see that drastic job change happen to someone later in life.
A New Dawn
Despite my best efforts conveying my ministry philosophy when I interviewed in late 2023, I realized early on, in my new role, that I may not be aligned with where the church was headed. I wondered about my future. Do I stay in the role and make the best of it because there is good I can do with people and the community through and outside the role? Do I make peace with what lays ahead?
Beth’s words kept repeating in my head. Tim’s example was on display.
I was watching a movie with my family on a Friday night, February 16th, when I decided to get my coaching certificate from the Nebraska Department of Education.
I had been involved with Burke’s cross country program for three seasons at this point. Back in the fall of 2021, after the height of the covid pandemic and remote learning, Liam was an incoming freshman at Burke High School. One of the things he participated in his first semester was cross country. Because I also run, I was on the periphery of the team. I ran when they ran because it worked with my schedule. Christened “Mr. Liam’s Dad” by one of the seniors, I was an unofficial team parent. I showed up to all their meets, tracked and analyzed their 5K times and splits, and highlighted their progress and successes online through videos and social media.
I did this on my own accord for three years, highlighting what Liam and his teammates were doing. It was wonderful to have a small part in making their athletic experience enjoyable.
But could I coach?
I was a known quantity, and two of my sons competed at the varsity level, but I battled doubts. I see and hear other high schools getting coaches with Olympic trials pedigree, while I’m shuffling along with my runs. What can I offer to the team?
I had to quiet those thoughts, and remind myself not to self-select out. I reminded myself that I am good with people.
Throughout the spring I worked on my Special Services/Coaching certificate through the Nebraska’s Department of Education. I didn’t think there would be any issue with my work because nearly everyone there has another job or side hustle, and the coaching hours actually complemented my work schedule perfectly.
As I pursued coaching it became a light in a growing darkness I didn’t realize I had been living within.
In May I received my Special Services/Coaching certificate. I had no idea where to start beyond reaching out to Steve Satterly, the Burke Cross Country and Track & Field Head Coach. Even then I wasn’t sure about doing that because two of my boys were varsity runners. Once again, I had to remind myself not to self-select out.
I wrote Coach Satterly and thanked him for letting me be involved with the program the previous three seasons. I added that it was a reason for me to pursue a coaching certificate, which I now had. Some would say I should have been bolder, but I was worried about my boys’ standing within the team. Plus, Coach Satterly has been fantastic with Liam and Duncan and I did not want to jeopardize that at all.
Coach Satterly was eager to talk. There was an opening to hire an assistant coach.
Thanks for reading. I’m grateful for everyone who takes the time to read these posts and follow up with me about them. As I share a bit in this post, my family has been going through a season of transition. People ask how they can help. One way is through a GoFundMe we have set up to raise money toward a second vehicle. $5, $50, or $500, it all helps us out. Thanks.
I’m so proud of you Robert! God has lead you where you are! I’m out of ministry for the most part also.
Too much info to say here. I always enjoyed working with you and appreciated your help in the ministry we shared! Blessings
Julie moessner
This resonates, as you probably know! So proud of you for going for the coaching cert. Those athletes are lucky.
Also, Macy did some teacher shadowing at Franklin last year and it was part of what moved her into elementary teaching as a major for college next year!